If I had friends who wanted to have children, but say I didn’t think (in a clearly pompous and deeply selfish manner) that they should have them, I would have taken them to F.A.O. Schwarz today. How can a store of such intended intense happiness create so many screaming children?
Firstly, you have to queue to get in. That’s OK I suppose, but the policy seems odd. If you’re a baby in a push-chair or pram, you can queue jump. Let me get this right – if you’re a baby in a pram, with swaddling robes, plush bunny toys, head to toe babygrow – you can get in first? If you’re a man in his 30’s in a raincoat and shirt – you have to wait – insane. Unless these babies are carrying gold cards, I don’t get it.
When inside it’s pandemonium. The swell of spoilt, evil-eyed , sugar coated, pageant looking little people makes you feel sick. Then there are the kids… everywhere, like that high-speed film they always show you of bacteria reproducing. Swarming around the stands like a flock of seagulls with attention deficit disorder. Actually, I’m sounding pretty evil here, it’s not just the kids actually – it’s the servers. Throwing remote controlled helicopters into passer-bys eyes, performing evil magick within earshot of babies, and positioning soft-toys on your shoulder (precisely which happened to me)…
As a side-note it’s interesting also to see the the store now proudly tells you where everything is made – with the exception of China. So I see that Playmobil is made in Germany, a cook set in Poland and the other 99.9% of stuff curiously un-identified…
Anyway, we made it through our expedition – both trying to figure out if toys are just shit now, or (as we steadfastly refuse to admit) we are just too old.
